YEAR END REPORT

Well, what a team - Division 17 champions in our first year of formation, at this rate we could win the Premier in the year 2007 - ok, so Gary and Steve will be on their pensions and 'Shine On Harvey Moon' will be sung for all but a couple of members of the team, but we'll still be there!

Anyway, what follows is the Captains summary of this successful first year in the Wanderers career. I have tried to be biased whenever possible and have only rarely used the truth to illustrate the monumental events that have taken place - Read and enjoy (Or alternatively, throw this away and get on with some serious drinking - It's what I'll be doing !)

The skittling year started extremely well, at our pre-season get together it looked like we would have a 20 strong rota from which to pick our creme-de-la-creme every week. About half the team was made up of members of the defunct 'Walkers Wanderers' (Historians should note that this illustrious team also won Division 17 on their first visit !) - the rest were a motley crew to be sure, but they featured a number of experienced skittles players - Our prospects looked good.

The first couple of matches tended to bear out our high hopes, as we firstly demolished the 'A' Team on their home alley by 27 pins ('Brown Bum' registering his unbeaten season high score of 60), and then annihilated the Brittania Plant team on our alley by 33 pins. There was a problem however, the home alley was not as some of us remembered it - where were all the easy 40's ? - We decided it was all down to the new matchsticks that the landlord called pins, and we swiftly reverted to the chunky, battered pins we now all know and love so much.

We were on a high, the singing was coming together, as was the barracking ('Robby F.O' adding some particularly juicy personal insults and everyone else pretending not to know who he was !), 'Scarby' hadn't got a spare yet, but we did present our first egg -to John for a particularly crap 26 ... then came our first disaster.

We were away to the 'Break-A-Ways' at the Sherbourne, things started badly - They were singing before us, and singing louder. They had 'Dresses', we had none (This was later to be rectified). We did however out skittle them for the first three legs, thanks in no small part to F.B's magnificent 48 (10 pins above our second highest score). Then came the anchor .... I mean, fair enough - we were only 22 pins in the lead, but it really wasn't the anchor hand's night - 'The Grocer' and 'Brown Bum' both scored pathetic 31's and we lost the game by 1 pin. The decision to fine people for not singing was taken, this to ensure that we didn't embarrass ourselves again.

Our first defeat was then followed by our nightmare run - We were knocked out of the 'Charity Shield' competition in the first round by the Royal Union and we went on to lose our next three league matches, all by relatively small margins. All was not bleak in this period however - We had our first two curry evenings (The one in Evesham being particularly successful), the singing improved remarkably (due in no small part to the threat of fines), the 'Popadom Song' was premiered and themes were decided upon for the Christmas Run-In matches. After four defeats in six league games it didn't look like we would be in contention for the division title, and 'Scarby' still hadn't had a spare.

Our next game was magnificent, at home to the Asnewts, we won by a stunning 57 pin margin, we had our first raffle (all thanks to 'The Grocer'), wore our loudest shirts, and 'Kenny' became the first Wanderer to be double egged. This match was followed with a narrow win over the Berkeley Saracens at their alley (I think they were put off by the first appearance of Gary's Kipper !) and a good victory over the Lathturners at home - while wearing a stale naan bread.

Our good run was broken by a crap night in Shurdington at the Charbells home alley - we were stuffed (were they using creative sticking ?), they were prats and 'Brown Bum' got egged. We then beat the Celery boys at home by a convincing margin - the only sad note being that 'The Captain' got egged. Then came our last game of 1990 - What a night ! - full themes from the previous weeks were worn to the Omnibus Club (Including Gary's kipper - Yes the same one !), everyone got well pissed, we sang carols, 'Scarby' didn't get a spare, we won a very tight game by 1 pin and we had a good hot subsidised Curry - What a pity Neil couldn't be there -Oh well ... that's life.

1991 started well for the Wanderers, we registered a 54 pin victory over The Oddlot, with all bar one person in the team getting scores over 40 (A very Eggy 'Steptoe'). Halfway through the season, and we were looking reasonably strong, the captain even postulated (Disgusting I know) ... In the report, that we may even finish the season at the top of the table - such foresight! It should also be mentioned that the captain was by now starting to seriously diminish, and 'Scarby' hadn't had a spare.

The next game saw yet another Wanderers Victory, achieved this time whilst playing in Suits and DJ's - very smart. This was also the evening when the captain scored a majestic 52 including his legendary 18 flattener - what a guy ! The following week saw yet another Wanderers first, 'Scouse' got the lowest score for the second week in a row and so technically had to egg himself (He wimped out) - It also saw our largest winning margin as we beat the Brittania Plant team by 61 pins! Also, for some strange reason 'The German' came along to the game expecting to get egged - can't think where he got that idea from.

Our splendid run of 8 victories in 9 games was short lived as we suffered the indignation of having the double defeat 'put on' us, firstly by the Break-A-Ways and then by the Malvern Inn 'A'. The game against the Break-A-Ways saw our first bowl-off for the egg, where 'Froggy' was to prove that if you put him under enough pressure he can really skittle quite well. The game at the Malvern Inn will be remembered because it was bloody cold and also because it was the night when 'The Grocer' got his revenge on 'Robby F.O.' with a nice Trio of eggs. Oh yes, it was also the night that 'Scarby' didn't get a spare.

There was a cheerful atmosphere at the next game, mainly due to the fact that another subsidised Curry was in the offing. We won by a respectable margin and sadly 'F.B.' got the egg (After we had trashed the Everest and had a good Snowball fight). The next game is the one where I think most people would agree, the Wanderers fortunes changed for the better. We were at Shurdington Social Club and after the first two hands we were 32 pins down - we needed a win to stay in contention for the title.... and we got it ! - Yes, after a gallant fight back and some superb barracking of the opposition's anchor hand, we won the game by 2 pins and we were in joint second place in the division.

One of the most popular events of the skittling year occurred in the following match - 'Smelly' got his first egg after a bowl-off with .... yes, you guessed - 'Froggy'. Again we were victorious by a good margin, beating the Asnewts by 36 pins. The following week we played the Berkeley Saracens who at that point were still division 17 leaders. We won by 6 pins in a very close game, creative sticking was utilised to good effect and boring, boring 'Scarby' still couldn't manage to get a spare. We were now joint leaders of the Division.

Neil was egged again in the match against the Lathturners, we won by 46 pins (And out-sang them) to secure our place, clear at the top of the division. We then had our return match against The Charbells - Our honour was at stake, we needed to win, and we did.... just ! The captains 'Hand of god' tactics helped us secure a 2 pin victory after a very close last leg .... and ..... Wait for it ..... Scarby got a spare! Yes with his first two balls, Derek knocked all 9 pins down... the stickers put them up nice and close together, the alley was hushed, he picked up his third ball - took aim and ...... put it straight through to join the nine Spare club.

Three games left to play and we could afford to lose one .... so we did. After negating his zero in the spares column of the statistics the previous week, 'Scarby' wiped out the zero's in both the Beavers and Egg columns in a close game against the Celery Boys at the Welsh Harp. We might have still have won, even with Scarby's crap 26, but 'Brown Bum' cracked under pressure on the anchor, his two 4's in a row leading to the Celery Boys victory by 8 pins. The highlight of the evening was the Premier outing for the new Wanderers Shirts (Dresses) - Each emblazoned with the Wanderers Name and Logo and the player's 'Team Name' .... where 'Smelly' could spell it that is. Yes we had a new player on the team ..... 'GROUCERMAN' - he did look a lot like Gary though.

The penultimate game of the season was against the PSV's. They were bottom of the table, had only won 5 of their 24 games, we were at home and at full strength ..... and they so nearly beat us - I still don't quite understand how we won that game, but somehow our gallant lads on anchor pulled something out of the bag and we won by 2 pins. 'Froggy' got a bit confused and must have thought it was a bowl-off as his 56 with a spare and a flattener was to show.

All to play for on the last match, we needed a win to book our tickets for the town hall. We had home advantage on an away game and we had a full strength team. The opposition had problems mustering a team but we didn't let up - a 53 pin victory meant that we were ... THE CHAMPIONS. We sang a lot (Recorded for posterity), had a Karioke singalong, serenaded the girls behind the bar and trooped off to Everest to get double glazed. Somewhat boisterous behaviour was witnessed at the curry house, but after all we had just won Division 17 ! What a year !

The Captains job is not an easy one, and during the season he must rely on the support of his team members - I never got this, but that's life. In thanks for this generous lack of support, below I have summarised each and every player in the Wanderers team.

'Brown Bum': What can you say about Cliff's skittling, you could say brilliant, but I won't because it will go to his head - Top of the averages by a clear margin and with the highest away score - Cliff is, and has been all season, the best skittler in the Wanderers. He is a little quiet sometimes, but as one of the four ever-presents and as Chairman of the executive committee, Cliff is a Wanderers team man. We wouldn't be Champions without 'Clammy' but I do wish that somebody would give him some toilet paper !

'The German': Another ever-present and also a fine skittler, Mike is one of the more sober members of the team. This is a quality that made him such a good choice for Treasurer, not only can he be relied upon to collect the subs and look after the fine box each week, but he is also usually the only one capable of checking for 'Curry Tax' at our numerous social outings. Mike escaped the egg (So Far) this season although he did come perilously close a couple of times. Also, his grasp of the English language and way of life is really quite good for a Nazi.

'The Grocer': Provider of the numerous home raffle prizes, and yet another consistently good skittler, Gary is one of the Wanderers more colourful players. This is due not only to his appalling dress sense (especially ties), but also to his sense of misadventure - always one for a good wind up (Don't get on the wrong side of Gary - eh Rob ?) and always in the thick of anything. Another of the more sober team members who often gives the captain a lift home after the curry nights - what a sound fellow.

'Nigger': Nigel is officially the Wanderers most boring player of the year. He is a consistently good player who only missed one game in the season - very seldom had a crapper or a spare, only one egg and very few fines. But when 'Nigger' is on form in the bottom burp department he can give 'Smelly' a run for his money any day of the week.

'Scarby': Was on for most boring player of the year before his end of season flurry of Spares, Eggs, Beavers etc... A good player who has missed more spares than most people have had Hot curries, Derek is also the official team 'Sunroof' (Although give it another couple of years and there might be a bit more competition). More spares next year please Derek !

'Smelly': Our illustrious Secretary and 'Founder' of the Wanderers (He signed us on!). Anyone who knows Neil will know why he is called 'Smelly' - his bottom has been known to clear an alley in under 5 seconds. Neil only missed one game of the season (Just happened to be the best one), and is generally a consistently good skittler. Always one of the leaders of the singing he also has helped organise many of the years social events as well as the raffle.

'Scouse': The only player on the team to give 'Brown Bum' any competition on the averages front, 'Scouse' is another very good but not always consistent skittler (3 eggs). He is also the biggest shit stirrer on the team, although many people may not realise this - he starts most things (Curry fights etc..) and then keeps his head down. Another good singer and expert in the use of technical barracking.

'Kenny': The most radical improvement seen over the last year was in Steve's performance. In the early season he was skittling well below average, but since Christmas a dramatic change took place and with numerous 40's Steve climbed out of his regular first leg slot and at one stage was challenging for a place on the anchor. Another fine singer (With a voice to match the Captains for quality), Steve will I'm sure be a major force in the Wanderers next season.

'Robby F.O.': There was a rumour earlier on this season that Robby had paid one of his fines AND bought a raffle ticket, all on the same night - When asked if this was true, he replied in time honoured tradition - "F**k O*f". Robby is a definite home alley skittler, his average of over 43 at home is somewhat let down by the average of under 36 on the away alleys. Robby is by far and away the best 'Personal' barracker on the team and must have been worth numerous pins over the season with his witty/hurtful comments.

'Steptoe': The dark horse of the team, Chris didn't have a very good start to the season, but has gone from strength to strength during the second half. Ending up 5th in the averages and registering 4 top scores in the last 10 games of the season. If Chris keeps up that form he could be challenging 'Brown Bum' for the trophies next year. Thank god he's now got his team shirt and doesn't wear that old jumper any more !

'Froggy': Crap at skittles, brilliant at bowl-offs. The first bit isn't quite true of course - but over the season Mike was probably the most inconsistent of all of the Wanderers. A number of really good scores (56,48 etc..) were offset by some really crap ones (including 2 eggs), but where Mike really shone was in the bowl-offs for the egg - (twice he went in for a bowl off, and twice he scored more than he had during the match to save himself from the egg). If he can settle down a bit next season, should do really well.

'Neil Bob': It would be fair to say that without 'The Bob' we wouldn't be champions. He only played on five occasions although he turned up to 17 of the 27 games. But he turned up when it mattered, and often at a phone-call's notice (twice we wouldn't have had team). And perhaps more surprisingly, when he did play he played well. In the old 'Wanderers' Neil could be relied upon to get a crap score and seemed certain to save a few people from the egg this season. Let's hope he plays a few more games next year and that his skittles continues to improve.

'Animal': Paul finished bottom of the averages (But still with a respectable 38.07), a fact which is once again down to inconsistency. When on form (Often on the home alley) he could easily pull a good 40 out of the bag, but all too often the bowling was a little erratic (Or is it Erotic ?). Numerous absences during the season broke the flow of his game but a good finish in the last two games gives hopes for better things next year.

'Black Adder': Should he wear the glasses or shouldn't he - Another player from the 'Froggy' school of inconsistent skittling but improving markedly as the season went on (two good 46's in his last few games). Mark's 'Tech' commitments meant that he could only play a handful of games this season (he disappeared completely for one six week run). The more he plays the better he gets - With a bit more commitment next year, he should become a really useful skittler for the Wanderers.

'Paddy': The only truly crap skittler on the team. After being egged in half of his four games and with an average of 32 Paddy gracefully retired from active skittling. He still comes along Occasionally (when he's sober enough to find the alley) and provides a very useful addition to the barracking and Singing (His knowledge of David Bowie lyrics being particularly useful).

'FB': Last but not least, The Captain. A good early season start saw 'FB' as a resident on the Anchor hand. However, as soon as he started to lose weight, the form began to go - didn't have a real crapper all season, but in the second half consistently scored in the mid 30's leading to his drop down the averages to 11 place. The rallying point for the team, a regular leader of the singing, writer of the now famous 'Popadom Song' and the adaptation of 'The Wanderer', also the compiler of that ever growing, humourous weekly publication - The Progress report. The Captain was the third of the 'Ever-present' players in the team (Although he should have been dropped a couple of times), he was also always to be found in the thick of the fun at the entertaining Curry evenings - Overall, what a good EGG (He got a couple of those as well).

After winning the Division 17 title in our first year we can only follow that with the Division 16 title. We will need to build upon our firm base of team members and will be trying to recruit another two or three regulars. This will not only provide more competition for the 12 team places every week but should add to the volume of barracking. It will also provide a safeguard against too many players dropping out over the season.

During the summer recess there are likely to be numerous social events to keep things Wandering along. We have already had challenges from another three skittles teams and plans for a sponsored pub crawl and a Ten Pin bowling evening are in the pipeline.

With the quality of players in the side and with the volume of barracking reaching new heights, there is no reason why we shouldn't be in contention for the division 16 title next year.

On the following few pages you will find everything you ever wanted to know about the Wanderers Year, but were afraid to ask. As well as the completed averages for the year, there is the entertainers table. There is a complete listing of everyone's scores throughout the season (Showing who got the egg and the high score in each game), and there is a summary of all of the Wanderers results complete with a list of honours.

Well Done Team - 'FB' (Captain - The Wanderers S.C.)

Played 27, Won 18, Lost 9

HOME AVERAGES

AWAY AVERAGES

WANDERERS ENTERTAINERS - 90/91 Season

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE

The method used to arrive at the entertainment rating, was to award points for all of those things that regularly get a good cheer at the matches. Thus top of the points table is a good 'Egging' with beavers and spares following close behind. A full list of points is as follows:

Beaver 10 points

Spare 8 points

Top Score 6 points

Fines 4 points

Nine's 3 points

Forty's 2 points

When a total is arrived at, it is divided by the number of games which the person has played and hey presto you have his entertainment rating.

WANDERERS - RESULTS 90/91 SEASON

Top Overall Average : 42.37 Cliff

Top Home Average : 43.33 Scouse

Top Away Average : 41.38 Cliff

Highest Home Score : 58 Scouse, Gary, Rob

Highest Away Score : 60 Cliff

Lowest Home Score : 24 John, Mike W

Lowest Away Score : 26 Derek

Most Entertaining Player : 12.46 Scouse

Most Boring Player : 6.5 Nigel

Most Games Played : 27 Cliff, Leigh, Mike B

Most Eggs : 3 Rob (5 eggs Really !),

Steve (Plus 1 on Charity Night),

Scouse

Most Spares : 11 Scouse

Most Nines : 18 Cliff, Neil

Most Top Scores : 6 Cliff

Most Scores Over 40 : 17 Cliff

Highest Single Hand Score : 18 Leigh

Most Fines : 22 Leigh

Most Smelly Player : Very Neil

Most Curry Houses Wrecked : 2 Leigh